The Disappointment Zone

Musings from a Cleveland sports fan

Ohio State Football Buckeyes predictions

Posted by disappointmentzone on 31 August 2007

The Ohio State Football Buckeyes being their defense of march back to the BCS Championship Game Saturday afternoon. All of Buckeyes Nation will be turned to televisions in local bars or neighbors’ houses because the Big Ten Network is holding college football fans hostage. (1)

But that’s neither here nor there because right now all that matters is that this iteration of the OSU Football Buckeyes is perfect in every way possible. For the next few hours they are the Platonic ideal of a football team, untarnished by defeat or overzealous victory. That’ll change soon enough, though, and when it does you’ll want to be prepared. You’ll want to know what to expect.

That’s where the Disappointment Zone comes in.

Below are the authoritative predictions for each of the twelve regular season games. Now you’ll know what to expect and where to set your standards.

The predictions come in typical Disappointment Zone fashion, complete with the emotional barometer and confidence scale (1-100 where 1 is no confidence in pick). Why? Because words are fun and absolute prognostications are macho and generate bad karma.

Week 1: Youngstown State: Unexpected cheerfulness (97)
Week 2: Akron: Mild boredom (95)
Week 3: at Washington: Cocksure satisfaction (80)
Week 4: Northwestern: Rosy contentment (92)
Week 5: at Minnesota: Lighthearted delight (90)
Week 6: at Purdue: Thankful comfort (88)
Week 7: Kent State: Blind optimism (94)
Week 8: Michigan State: Distracted happiness (78)
Week 9: at Penn State: Horrified numbness (59)
Week 10: Wisconsin: Near catatonic depression (33)
Week 11: Illinois: Relief (68)
Week 12: at Michigan: Suicidal (83)

Final regular season record: 9-3.

Yes, the Buckeyes will lose three games and it’ll happen in the span of four weeks. Let’s not all try to kill ourselves at once. What will the BTN do for ratings come basketball season?

Anyway.

First will be a loss at Penn State, where the whiteout will get to the Bucks just as it did two years ago. This is the first legitimate road test of the season and Penn State is too hostile an environment to earn one’s chops without scars.

The second loss will be the following week against Wisconsin. Wisconsin always plays Ohio State tough and will have three weeks to prepare for OSU after facing only Northern Illinois and Indiana in the two weeks preceding the showdown in the Horseshoe.

Here is where things get interesting. Wisconsin plays Michigan the following week while OSU plays Illinois. Michigan will be coming off of playing MSU, but prior to that they have essentially six weeks to prep for Wisconsin and MSU shouldn’t be much of a challenge. I have Michigan beating Wisconsin solely because Michigan can prepare longer for Wisconsin than Wisconsin can prepare for Michigan.

Riding the crest of a victory over Wisconsin and knowing that a victory over OSU will give them the Big Ten title, Michigan will march into Columbus and beat OSU. (2) Sorry folks.

fn 1: Much to my great disappointment it’s not clear if anyone will actually be able to partake in my favorite Saturday activity: waking up just in time to flip on College Game Day and then fluidly moving between half wake and half asleep until getting up for the final time to see an overhead shot of a packed Horseshoe just moments before kickoff of another glorious OSU football game. I know this won’t be how I’m spending my Saturday. Thanks, Big Ten Network. Thanks, Comcast.

fn 2: I mean, Lloyd Carr can’t always be Tressel’s [bad word], can he? Michigan has to win one eventually. This looks like the year it happens.

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6 Responses to “Ohio State Football Buckeyes predictions”

  1. Jeff said

    The OSU Michigan game is in Ann Arbor this year. If the Wolverines march into Columbus to play the game, the Buckeyes will win by forfeit.

  2. Good catch. Unfortunately isn’t another reason why UM will beat OSU.

  3. Haze said

    Haha if Kent State beats the Buckeyes I will haunt this site ’til the end of time. Oh how I rue the day.

  4. OSUfan said

    Don’t forget Ohio State’s defense has given up just a few field goals and one touchdown in 3 games. Granted that Washington has been the only competition so far. If the offense can get on track and play well the entire game rather than just the second half then I think they have the Big Ten won.

  5. osuman said

    ohio st will go undefeated and will whhooooppp MIIItchigan!! in the big house. wow a loss to apalachian st INN THE BIG HOUSE WOW thats sad…..GO BUCKS

  6. osuman said

    penn state will be a nail bitting game only because the enviroment. Penn state is garbage this year. buckeye fans will be nervous in the start of the game but when we get that 24-0 lead in the first quarter when todd boeckman quiets the croud with a 67 yard pass to robinski!! TOUCHDOWN!!

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