Disappointment Zone power rankings
Posted by disappointmentzone on 25 March 2007
The DZ power rankings took a ten week vacation, but are back. During the break they were revamped and I can now promise that these rankings are 400% more scientifically valid than their predecessors. Sheldon Ocker should find solace in this fact. These power rankings certainly aren’t as flimsy as those silly Sports Illustrated power rankings. Whereas SI has to cover all those baseball teams — and there sure are a lot of them, at least 17 — the Disappointment Zone is dedicated to just six teams, certainly a much more manageable quantity. Herewith, then, are the rankings for Sunday, March 25th.
1) Cleveland Indians
If you ignore the ramblings of the local curmudgeons who profess that by covering a team they are somehow more expert in matters pertaining to the team (see: Ocker) and instead focus on those national media dandies, all flash and no substance (see: Gammons), then the picture is clear: the Cleveland Indians are the team to beat this season. Hope springs eternal and right now the Indians are undefeated in 2007 and are poised to pick up a pennant and World Series championship. They are the undeniably most powerful team in the universe. They are the Platonic ideal of a baseball team.
2) Ohio State Basketball Buckeyes
We are hedging here by not considering the woman’s team (not that you were thinking of them, either, especially since they were bounced out of the NCAAs a while ago), but the men’s OSUBB are having a pretty nice run right now, what with 21 straight victories and a spot in the Final Four. Maybe they should be #1, but the Buckeyes can actually lose a chance to win the NCAA championship in a week whereas the Indians can’t lose a chance to win the World Series until at least May. That’s enough to keep them in check, at least for this week.
3) Cleveland Cavaliers
LeBron James is now both awake and interested. Enough said.
4) Cleveland Browns
The Browns have the third pick in an incredibly talent-ridden draft, and yet somehow few people seem placated by the many positive possibilities open to the team. The obvious strategy is to stay put and draft Joe Thomas. It’s also the simplest strategy. It’s also the most fool-proof strategy. That said, it’s not the strategy I think the team will take, which puts me squarely in the camp of concerned Browns fans. Besides, half the team is going to develop a drug addiction when Jamal Lewis starts dealing coke during the bye week.
5) Ohio State Football Buckeyes
The team hasn’t disgraced Ohio football by losing to Florida in nearly three months, so that’s a plus. (Is anyone else concerned that Florida will beat OSU for the basketball championship as well?)
Aston Villa is dead to me. By far the worst Cleveland-related football team in the world.