The Disappointment Zone

Musings from a Cleveland sports fan

Never again

Posted by disappointmentzone on 22 February 2007

There was a while there in the second quarter of tonight’s game against the Bulls that Mike Brown was playing without LBJ, Hughes, Gibson, Ilgauskas, Jones or Pavlovic on the court (I realize Pavs, Jones, and Z were unable to play). No, I didn’t think it was possible to play without at least one of those players on the court, either.

But then there it was — the debut of the Bumblefuck Unit. Boy was it glorious. Eric Snow at point guard. Shannon Brown at turnover. David Wesley at small turnover. Donyell Marshall at void. Drew Gooden at space cadet. Scot Pollard at personal foul. Dwayne Jones at power turnover. This was the rotation used at the start of the second quarter, and so it is no surprise that the Cavs went from tied with the Bulls at 22 to down by fourteen points about three minutes later. Not that things improved any. With just about two minutes to go in the quarter the Cavs had scored a whopping five points in the period and were looking to set a record for this season for fewest points scored in the first half, which they narrowly avoided thanks to a late basket by LBJ to push them just over the 29 point mark.

The Cavs were fourteen notches below terrible in the second quarter and nothing Mike Brown did seemed to work.

Which raises an obvious question: How much does Ira Newble actually suck? Clearly more than you or I ever thought, that’s for sure. This might have been the lowest point in his life after being named Ira. How terrible must one’s basketball skills be not to crack the Bumblefuck Unit? I mean, there were three important players out of the lineup, so that immediately bumps everyone up three spots. Then the team goes into an offensive coma. But Mike Brown needs to rest his starters, so he keeps playing Shannon Brown, Eric Snow, and David Wesley together, a site I hope to never witness again, and he sticks with Gooden and Marshall. None of this goes so well. All hope is seemingly lost. The team can’t even get off a jumper. A crisis ensues. So Mike Brown casts his steely gaze down the bench and taps… Dwayne Jones! Dwayne Jones! Seriously!?! Dwayne Jones? The same Dwayne Jones whose only play of note was dorking an easy entrance pass out of bounds, which then led to the classic confused glance at his hands and made you kind of wonder how it is that he’s being paid to play a sport that requires a lot of hand-eye coordination (compromising pictures of Gilbert rubbing Ferry’s bald head?). All the while Ira Newble was parked bench picking up a lovely DNP — Coach’s Decision.

Is there something wrong with Newble that I’m not aware of? Is he injured? Is there a reason other than his suckiness that’s keeping him parked on the bench during a quarter in which the Cavs have more turnovers than field goals? For his sake, I sure hope so. It’s almost hard to think that just a couple of seasons ago he was a starter. Oh how far the mighty lowly have fallen.

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2 Responses to “Never again”

  1. Erik said

    Not to place this all at the feet of one guy, let along a rookie, but Thursday’s game really went to hell in a handbasket when Shannon Brown came in.

    He seems to have that effect. Every time he puts the ball on the floor, it will inevitably lead to a turnover. A lot of it has to do with the fact that he runs up the floor at breakneck speed like a squirrel that just accidentally made an electrical path between a power line and the ground.

    Invariably, this leads to one of three things: 1) He dribbles the ball off his foot/leg. 2) He reaches to dribble the ball, but it’s no longer there because he left it about three feet behind him. 3) He reaches to dribble the ball, but it’s no longer there because Ben Gordon has stolen it and is presently streaking toward the other basket for a layup.

    And they kept giving the ball to him. Three straight possessions, three straight turnovers. It’s maddening, like when the Indians keep going to a struggling lefty in key situations (Scott Sauerbeck) to “show confidence in him.”

    With Brown, Dwyane Jones and the other second-round pick from a year ago, Ejike Ugboaja (sp?), the Cavs are 3/5 of the way to a D-league starting lineup.

  2. Spot on, Erik. He’s also good at getting pump faked out of his shoes.

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