The Disappointment Zone

Musings from a Cleveland sports fan

Disappointment Zone power rankings

Posted by disappointmentzone on 30 December 2006

Once again it’s time for another installment of the most critically evaluated, factually sound feature of this blog: the Disappointment Zone power rankings! Again, the rankings are painstakingly researched and of a purity of logic not found outside of university philosophy departments. Do not argue with the DZ power rankings. They make too much sense and are too important to the Cleveland, OH sports landscape to be triffled with. Unless you have something smart and/or funny to say. Then by all means say it.

1) Cleveland Indians

The Indians come in at #1 more by default than actual achievement — no other team deserves this spot. Keith Foulke looks to be on his way, but this isn’t the Foulke of 2003. Unless he’s equipped with new knees and arms I remain skeptical about the potential positive influence he might have in 2007. In other news, Mark Moulder has narrowed his choices down to the Indians and two other teams that don’t matter. The Indians already have a ton of starting pitching for this season, but more starting pitching is always a good idea. Plus, no Indians have suffered any serious injuries or developed any drug habits. And we still have Choo and Barfield. Consider the Choo. Consider the Barfield. Yes. Yes.

2) Cleveland Cavaliers

The Cavs are one of the best defensive teams in the league. This is something to savior. The Cavs do something well as a team. Lord knows the defense isn’t being carried by LBJ. Of course, if the Cavs were terrible on defense it would be incredibly hard to justify allowing Eric Snow to play organized basketball for pay. And even with the job he’s doing against the Joe Johnsons of the Association, which is a pretty good job, I must admit, it’s hard to watch him play every night. But good team defense. We can hang our hat on that one.

3) Cleveland Browns

Getting beaten by the Bucs at home is never a good thing. Losing your starting quarterback is also unfortunate. Starting Ken Dorsey because your starting quarterbacks are both injured is downright depressing. On the plus side: higher draft pick! So it’s a push.

4) The Ohio State Basketball Buckeyes

I think Greg Oden both has had children and has eaten them. I also think Greg Oden would make a really great clown. Reconciling these two points is not difficult, and for that reason I won’t drop the OSUBB below the fourth spot. Not getting killed by Florida would help them move up.

5) Aston Villa

Injuries and signings, signings and injuries. Aston Villa used to never lose. Now they never win. Looks like the Lerner touch extends beyond the pond. That said, they are still the best Cleveland-related football team in the universe. They just aren’t ranked as high as that other Cleveland-related football team this week. Try to wrap your head around that one.

6) The Ohio State Football Buckeyes

Sage Waldon still reigns supreme. Play a game, OSUFB. Stop cowering at home, maintaining your undefeated status not by winning games but by not playing games and therefore not losing games. BYU and Hawaii have won games since you last played. Hell, even Kentucky has won a game. You disgust me. Losers.

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