Hey, did ya hear?

Did you hear that the Yankees lost a game last night? Yeah, they lost to some team from out west. It was a surprise to see the Yankees lose. The Yankees never lose. They are the best team in baseball. They are the team everyone fears. They are the team everyone secretly desires to root for, except for LeBron, who openly roots for them. No way the Yankees lose. They blew it. I wonder who’s to blame.

Each time the Yankees managed to get a runner on base that Caray guy from TBS would shout, “Here come the Yankees!” So I really thought the Yankees were on the charge. I was sure they would come through. I mean, that’s what Jeter does. He’s Captain Clutch. The rest of the lineup is a murderer’s row, maybe the best lineup in baseball history, with A Rod and Matsui and Posada and Cano and Giambi, so why didn’t they score ten bajillion runs? Must have been the team choking. I wonder who’s to blame.

I say blame the bugs. Did you see how they messed up Joba? Dude was on. No one wanted to face him. He’d given up like one run all season, bro. He’s a Hall of Famer. That city must be dirty with all those bugs, man. Such an unfair advantage. They are used to playing in that crap. The Yankees are used to playing in the pristine meadows of the House that Ruth Built. It was totally unfair to make Joba pitch with those bugs in addition to the pressure of being on the road in the playoffs in the eighth innings of a close game. He’s just a kid. Things ought to be perfect for him, perfect like pinstripes and no facial hair perfect.

Then there were all those bogus strike three calls against A Rod. I don’t care if he swung and missed. The only reason he did that is because the ump’s strike zone for the Indians pitchers was so huge that he, like, had to swing. The Yankees hitters got jobbed the entire series. That’s the only reason why they didn’t score ten bajillion runs on that one team, whoever the Yankees were playing, the guys who were supposed to lose, you know, that team from out west. The Yankees pitchers were getting squeezed the whole series. That’s why Wang had to keep his pitches elevated in Game 4. Because Yankees never tire and never flounder.

Joe Torre is about to be fired. That’s the real story. And what’s going to happen next season? Is A Rod going to opt out of his contract? Is Posada going to stay? Is Pettite going to decline his option? Is Mo coming back? Whatever happens I know the Yankees will be back. The storybook run of this dynasty is far from over.

In fact, I’m not even sure it’s over for this season. Alex Rodriguez just scratched his balls so Caray yelled, “And here come the Yankees!” We’re not done yet. TBS won’t let that happen. The national nightmare will end. The Yankees didn’t lose. I swear.